Let's start with the story. The foot clan, who are no longer ninjas but simply soldiers, are trying to find the turtles. We know they are trying to take over the city, but we are not sure how. Shredder is still the leader, but everything else about the story has been changed for this movie. Explaining the back-stories would count as a spoiler though, so I will leave a good portion of it out. The basic idea though is the Turtles were not accidents, but purposefully created to test a antidote that would allow for stronger better humans. Also the enjoyable scene where Splinter is still a rat and learning Karate by watching his master is no longer in. Instead they picked that up along with all their training from a book on ninjutsu.Granted that sounds far fetched, but when you take into account the added abilities these turtles have, and that is all they have been doing for 15 years...it actually seems plausible. They have internet and better technology then normal people, so they have other means of learning as well.
Speaking of which, these are not the old school turtles. They don't say Cowabunga, except simply to fit it into the movie that one time. They also are never really in danger while fighting the foot clan, which tends to lessen a lot of the movie. They are bullet proof, and the foot only really use guns. The only real time you feel they could be in danger is when they are fighting Shredder. Shredder also if very different, as he fights in a giant robotic suit with blades for fingers. It was actually kind of neat and one of the few changes that didn't really bother me. The Turtles having super strength though on the other hand, well that just felt very out of place. You have to accept that this isn't the same franchise you grew up with. If you can't look past that, you will hate this movie more and more as it continues on.
A interesting thing to me, the turtles were all mo-capped while wearing huge turtle suits. For the most part it was done by the guys doing there voices as well. The only odd one out being Leonardo, who was voiced by Johnny Knoxville but acted out by Pete Ploszek. All the voices for the turtles really did seem to fit the different types of characters they were, though I felt they went overboard with Donatello. He was a nerd, but he had huge glasses that gave him bug eyes. And his voice sounded very high pitched and like he was always afraid. Yes he had some good moments, but it was just annoying anytime he talked. Leonardo was also a odd choice. Johnny Knoxville is a funny guy, but he is not the serious and focused leader type. Granted you look at how much money he has made from his previous career, he clearly has those qualities. But they don't come across in his acting, and he didn't really work for that role. Alan Ritchson played Raphael, and he did a good job with it. There was a nice moment where he was doing his bet batman voice early on, but it was simply a gag and he settled into a voice that fit the character quite nicely. I will admit I wanted him to use his Blue Mountain State voice, but That Castle the ninja turtle would have never honestly worked.
All of the...well I guess people actors, those who were not mostly CG, did pretty well. Megan Fox will probably never been known as a amazing dramatic marvel, but I had no real issues with her performance here. She was center stage for a lot of the film, but her being joined by Will Arnett really benefited the performance. He plays the same kind of role he always does, and he has perfected it over the years. Seeing their interactions were some of the better moments in the movie, and he was easily one of the better characters. The villain was played by William Fichtner, who did good, but was given little screen time when compared to how big his role was.
The only real issues I had with any of the characters stemmed from the writing and not the actors. April was witness to multiple foot clan attacks, but instead of ever calling the police, she always tried to get pictures of them with her phone. Granted as a journalist, that would not be out of character. However I think they would still call if they saw known terrorist, and then try to get a picture. The turtles also had trouble winning me over. Michelangelo is introduced to us by way of him making a Erection joke in regards to how hot April is. There was a fart joke, and the scenes that focused solely on the turtles and Splinter were usually weaker then the others. The turtles formed their personas based off of television they saw in the last 15 years, so they came off as almost parodies of every kid you ever hated. Half the time you just didn't like them, and that caused issues. I will also say, I could never get used to how Splinter looked. It was just awful, and his CGI was notably worse then any other part of the film. When he was fighting Shredder, I was actually hoping the bad guy would come out on top. Just so maybe I wouldn't have to see him for the rest of the film.
Turtles love pizza, but only from Pizza Hut. I do admit, if pizza hut actually sold pizza that looked like it did in the movie, maybe I would like them to. One thing the movie did right was nods like that. The turtles are brothers, but one of them gave the other three up for pizza. Will Arnett makes a joke about heroes in a half shell. They even had a line that could have been a reference to the original Alien plot. These moments made me smile, and were enjoyable when ever they rose up.
The only thing to really talk about now are the action sequences. As stated earlier, the turtles are bullet proof. That alone pretty much made the first few not as good as they could have been. The fights with Shredder were toned down due to his movement in the super suit not being great. He was more about shooting blades and big blows. It was cool, but for a karate movie it did detract from it overall. There was one scene though that was either amazing or awful depending on how you view physics. A downhill fight on a snowy mountain with the turtles fighting the foot and a few vehicles. It was very well shot, and the effects and visuals were well done. But the whole scene was just horribly impossible. The final fight was also kind of odd, but I won't spoil that one for you. If you like the bay Transformers movies, you will enjoy this. If those just make you shake your head, you may have issues with this one to.
So we have a story that is lackluster. I don't mind them changing it up from the original, but it was notably worse. The acting was good enough for this kind of movie, it wasn't a epic drama or anything special. The humor was hit or miss, and the turtles were more annoying then not. Ralph was the stand out, but they did all have their moments. Visuals were not bad, but there were low points such as Splinter. The movie had decent pacing, but it just didn't make sense at times. The physics were just off, and the powered up turtles pissed me off. To be fair though, I did enjoy the movie. It was so bad at times it was endearing, and other scenes worked very well. I would probally watch it again, but it was certainly not a classic. And it will not replace the originals.
Better then I thought, still not worth buying.
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